Super-Niche-Senior-Superlatives

By: Allison Foley (Reporter ‘21) and Ruby Kauffman-Rosengarten (Guest Contributor ‘21)

Class of 2021, have you ever wondered which of your classmates would be most likely to survive on a raft in the middle of the ocean, or maybe who would be the best godparent? Honestly, you probably haven’t, but we have, so we asked around the grade and got some pretty interesting responses. Here are your ‘super-niche-senior-superlatives’:

In the future, if you are ever looking to buy a candle and support a small business, Phoebe Rotondo may have just what you need, at least in Sophia David’s opinion. When asked who would be most likely to start a candle business, Sophia replied, “Phoebe. She really likes candles, and she reminds me of Jan from the office. I could see her listening to music and painting while she’s breathing in her candle fumes.”

When Dylan Buchholz was asked which member of the class he would trust with the responsibility of naming his (imaginary) child, he said “I think Kieran [McDonnell]… I think he’s a very tender soul, and I think if I was like, ‘Kieran, can you name my kid?’ he would pick a very pleasant name that I wouldn’t think of . . . like Bartholomew.” Bartholomew Buchholz has a nice ring to it.

We approached Leah Anderson to get her input on who was most likely to accidentally become famous. Without hesitation she responded, “Charlie Swartz.” We asked her to elaborate on this, and she said, “Because he would start a Youtube channel and not realize how damn funny it is…” And what would the contents of Charlie’s so called Youtube channel be? Leah has an idea. “I think he would do a vlog of his life as a joke, and I think it would go viral. I would watch it.” We don’t think Leah’s alone in that. Charlie will definitely have the unwavering support of the Class of 2021 behind him if he ever feels the urge to start a Youtube channel.

We decided to put one of our most controversial and heavily disputed questions in the hands of Kieran McDonnell on a Tuesday afternoon. “Who do you think is most likely to shave their head in our grade?” we asked him. There was a long pause. We elaborated. “Like shave it ALL off. A shiny bald head.” That seemed to spark something in Keiran. “. . . I’d do that. I have, like, some bald genes in my family, so I might.” We think we speak for us all when we say, we can’t wait for the new look, Kieran.

Want to know who your president would name his kid after? “Aiden Kempf,” Casper [Hoffman] said. Why, you might ask? He simply stated, “Just because he gives off that vibe, ya know?”

If Sydney Horenstein isn’t married by forty, and needs to resort to a marriage pact, she knows just who she wants along for the ride. “The only name that is coming into my head right now is Leo Shack.” Sydney said. She “feels like he would stick to his word...he’s a big Eagles fan...there are a lot of positive sides to this.” Well, make sure to keep us updated on this, Sydney! Oh, and you should probably let Leo know about it as well.

Being a godparent is no light task. When asked who would make the best godparent, Anna Gullace responded, “Tom [Foley]. He would definitely take the kid to sports games and do fun things with them.” That kid would be a Penn State fan for life.

You all should look forward to our future class reunions because there seem to be some couple predictions to watch out for. Ryan Lynch pictures Finn Kent and Taylor Snowden becoming an item in the future. “I think they’re total opposites, and I think it’d be really funny if they were together… you’d never even see them together talking.” Well Ryan, we’ll make sure to keep our eyes peeled for that one. Anna Gullace has a different prediction. “Lily Selkow and Dylan Sices,” she said. Anna Gullace declined to comment further on the matter.

We were very intrigued to know which of our classmates was most likely to get a regrettable tattoo, and when we asked Jared Lonner, he had a very quick answer for us. “I’d say Mr. Gabe Fraga. I think he’d get a squirrel skydiving on his inner thigh or something. Or Jaden Smith as a kid. Something weird like that.” Tattoo removal is very expensive, Gabe. By the way, Phoebe Rotondo also has a tattoo. She doesn’t really like to talk about it, though...

If Dylan Buchholz randomly disappears one day, do not be alarmed. We asked Ian Duane who is most likely to go off the grid. “I’d say Dylan,” he said. “He’d go off the grid to train with some martial arts guy.” Ben Allen agreed saying, “I think he would start a food stand at a music festival.” While it’s clear Dylan will be disappearing in the future, the question as to why he will leave remains unanswered. Dylan, let us know where you end up <3.

Thanksgiving is only seven months away, and it’s never too early to start preparing for the big meal, but out of the class of ‘21, who would be the best person to make that meal with? When we asked Hallie Bender she said, “Dylan Sices. I feel like he’s a good cook. He always posts stuff on his Snapchat story and it looks good.” Keep up the posts, Dylan, and maybe Hallie will hire you for next year’s Thanksgiving.

Don’t freak out, but there may be an undercover spy here on the Friends’ Central campus. When asked who is most likely to be a spy at FCS, Anne McCammon had a hunch. “I feel like Adam Serota. He’s a little sneaky, a little under the radar.” Adam, is there anything you need to tell us?

Well, that concludes our ‘super-niche-senior-superlatives.’ We hope we stirred the pot a little bit and maybe got some of you to see your classmates in a bit of a different light. With undercover spies, candle business owners, godparents, and future bald-headed people, it is clear that the Class of 2021 is a truly special group. We are lucky to have experienced these past years together and know each other well enough to answer these super-niche superlatives. And who knows, maybe some of these predictions will prove true in the future.

Peace out. Class of 2021 forever <3